The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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