You're my little dorito
someone threw a dead crab at me
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
