So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
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I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
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And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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