You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
