will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
