She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm too high and old for this...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
