She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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