So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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