if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she looked like the before picture.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
