Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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