are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
