I need to stop coming to work sober
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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