You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
