I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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