allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
