i can't believe i had my finger in that
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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