Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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