Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
