Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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