Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
