Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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