Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
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Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
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Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
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