eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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