i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
