I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
