ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
