I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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