did you get engaged???
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
