I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
