I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
