we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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