At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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