Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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