I have demons in me.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
