I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
