I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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