That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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