Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
