You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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