This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
