I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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