New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
