I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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