I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
