My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
