i think my mom watched the whole time
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So much rum. So many feels.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
