I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
