so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
