Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
