Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
