I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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