fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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