I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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