yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
