I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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