You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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