My hair reeks of homosexuality.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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