Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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