I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
