i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I touched a dick in church today
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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