My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
