hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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