If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
