Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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