Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
