Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
