all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
