...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
