It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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