it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
