for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
